Just because I’m losing doesn’t mean I’m lost

So I haven’t written in here for a while because I am trying to spend less time on the internet but that really isn’t working as I am spending the same amount of time on the internet if not more, plus I think if I do start blogging on here again I will at least feel a sense of accomplishment instead of just aimless browsing on websites. Plus I think I need to track my emotions more because things are just taking over inside of me and I need to stop thinking so much and just write what I am feeling and then it’s out. I still write in my paper journal but half the time it is just dot points  and unreadable writing and I can type faster than I write si this way maybe I can get all my feelings out! Wouldn’t that be great!

So, it’s the new year and things have been very mediocre all year, in fact I am counting down the days until I can leave because it really is unbearable and everyday I am just trying to find ways to want to stay but there is just nothing. Febuary was okay because I got to go to some nice concerts but now it is March and there isn’t anything to look forward to. My best friend isn’t talking to me, my house feels like a prison, work still sucks, I feel fat and gross all the time. But, luckily there is a but.. all my debt is paid off and I now have money again so I am back to saving to my trip (but also not spending money on anything which kind of sucks because sometimes I would really like to just go buy alot of things like new jeans, a laptop, some cd’s and maybe Frankie every now and then because I am sure even a little bit of retail therapy can be somewhat benefitial to ones happiness especially if compared to zero retail therapy which I guess is why it’s called retail therapy) and ahhhhhh yeah I guess that is the extent of my pro list at the moment.

I think that is all I have to say today, hello, I’m back, see you soon.


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